Amy

I didn't plan on writing this post but here I am. Last Friday at school something happened that struck a chord in me. While on lunch duty in the cafeteria I noticed one of my first grade students not eating her lunch. I approached her, asked if everything was okay and she said yes. I then proceeded to tell her to begin to eat so she could leave and go to recess. One of our cafeteria rules, if that's what you can call it, (I hate rules) is for the kids to eat something on their lunch plates before we can dismiss them to recess. 
Well, as I strolled around to her again a few minutes later I noticed she was shoving food into an empty package. Upon a closer look I noticed that it was food inside of a napkin that was then shoved into a wrapper. I asked her what she was doing, no reply. 
My duty time was over so I asked the next teacher to keep an eye on her, I was concerned. About 10 minutes later this teacher comes to tell me that my student continued to chew food, spit it into a napkin, then tried to hide it on her plate. 
My stomach dropped. 
Why is she doing this? She is only 6 years old! Where did she see this behavior? 
This same student told me 2 weeks ago that her mom told her that her stomach is very small, showing me with her fingers about the size of a quarter, and that she didn't need to eat a lot of food. A teacher on lunch duty that day caught her gagging, trying to throw up the food she was told to eat. 
That was my first sign, this is the second one. 
I've had enough.
You see, I am in recovery from an eating disorder. It has been 2 years and 3 months since my last purge. Yet, about 2 days since I last thought about doing it. Seeing one of my own students display this type of behavior causes so much emotion in me, I don't know what to do with it all. I am furious, yet sad at the same time.It angers me so much that society dictates how a person should look and what is acceptable. Already at 6 years old this precious child, who is no where near being overweight mind you, has entered the "diet world". I am angry, heart broken, and compelled to take action. 
I entered this awful world at the age of 8. Here I am, decades later, still struggling. If I can help just this one little girl, somehow, someway, I'm doing it. 
If I can help spare her from the years of pain, comparisons, never good enough, tears, and diets then Jesus show me the way. Help me to show her that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.

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I've heard these words three times in the past week. Not counting the first time, when God whispered it. I don't know entirely how I will do this. Whether it will be public or private. All I know is that it's time. Fear washes over me as I boldly take this step forward, but I lean on my One Word for 2011 - TRUST. I will trust in Him who loves me, Him who created me, and in Him who died for me. I surrender to the unknown and...trust.